Whatever plans I had for July … they didn’t really pan out. Except for lazing around and catching up on the books on my iPad. I did that to perfection.

Restful Times Ahead

And I’m going to continue perfecting this throughout August. I have cleared off most of weekends to just do “me stuff”. No plans, no mandatory get togethers. Just me. Which probably sounds selfish and that’s exactly what it is.

I haven’t been selfish enough this year. I’ve been talking with my therapist (oh yeah, I have one of those) and trying to work through why I feel like I need to give of myself more to everyone else than to myself. This is a complex question with no easy answer for anyone on a similar situation.

In some ways I wish there was but in many others I’m glad there isn’t. Self awareness is not a steady state but evolutionary. I liken it to watching the sand move under the waves. Constantly changing shape and form and stability but never losing its identity.

Always mesmerizing, always meditative to watch how the two forces interact to create such beauty and wonder. This is what I’m hoping for August, to be the sand moved by the waves created by everyone else and seeing what comes about.

In other words, I just want to be lazy. 🙂